Dear Sacred Mama,
You’ve done the incredible work of bringing your baby earthside, and now you hold them in your arms. The journey of birth is complete, but the journey of becoming a mother is just beginning. These next few weeks are a sacred bubble of time, often called the “fourth trimester.” It is a time for you to heal, for your baby to adjust to the world, and for you to fall deeply in love. And it does not end in 6 weeks or when you are required to return to work. You are forever postpartum, with the deepest parts of it continuing to unfold within the first year.
Your only job right now is to rest, nourish your body, and gaze at your baby. The world can wait. Please, be so, so gentle with yourself. You are recovering from a physical and spiritual marathon while doing the most important work of your life- motherhood.
The ancient ones say that in birth a mother will leave her body, journey to the stars to get her baby and then journey back to birth them earthside. This, sacred mama, is the beginning of your great and sacred returning.
Part 1: Healing Your Body – The Physical Recovery
Your body has performed a miracle, and now it needs time to heal and restore itself. Just like the first trimester, even though you cannot see the healing that is occurring on the inside, it is deep and it is big, it requires slowing down and respecting your body’s process and needs. This process is gradual and requires immense patience. Long term health is dependent on how well you rest in the short term. How you tend to yourself during this time is your investment into later years and prevention of postpartum depression, pelvic floor dysfunction and chronic pain.
- Your Bleeding (Lochia): You will have vaginal bleeding, much like a heavy period, for the first few days. It will be bright red and may contain small clots. Over the coming days and weeks, it will lessen, turning pinkish, then brown, and finally a yellowish-white. This is your body’s natural way of healing your uterus.
- Afterpains: As your uterus works to shrink back to its pre-pregnancy size, you may feel cramping, especially when you breastfeed. This is a good sign! It means your body is doing its job. Adequate rest and a warm heating pad on your belly can feel very soothing.
- Caring for Your Perineum: The area between your vagina and rectum has done some amazing stretching. Fill the peri bottle (you should’ve got in your supply list) with warm water and use it to rinse yourself each time you use the toilet. Gently pat dry. A warm sitz bath with Epsom salts can also provide wonderful relief.
- Your First Bowel Movement: It’s normal to be a little nervous about this. Drink plenty of water and eat warm fiber-rich foods (like oatmeal, fruits, and vegetables) to keep things soft. Don’t strain.
Part 2: Tending to Your Heart – Your Emotional Well-being
The hormonal shifts after birth are more powerful than at any other time in your life. It is completely normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions: joy, awe, anxiety, sadness, and everything in between, or at the same time. If unsupported, stressed or pressured to return back to work or your “pre pregnant self” the hormonal shifts can be more intense and ultimately lead to postpartum depression and anxiety.
- The “Baby Blues”: In the first week or two, many new parents feel weepy, anxious, and overwhelmed. Your sleep is disrupted, your hormones are fluctuating wildly, and you’re responsible for a new human! This is the “baby blues,” and it is very common and temporary. The best remedy is rest, nourishment, and reassurance. Talk about how you’re feeling.
- Beyond the Blues: Sometimes, even if fully supported, these feelings don’t go away, or they deepen into something more serious. If you feel persistent sadness, hopelessness, or intense anxiety, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, this is a sign that you need more support. This is not your fault. It is a real and treatable health condition, like postpartum depression or anxiety. Please call me and someone you love and trust. You do not have to suffer through this alone. Reaching out is a sign of strength.
Part 3: The Art of Doing Nothing – Rest and Nourishment
If you remember nothing else, remember this: Rest is not a luxury; it is medicine.
- The Lying-In Period: For the first 40 days, I want you to imagine your main world is inside your home. Your job is to lie in, bond with your baby, and let your body heal. Aim for 5 days in bed, 5 days around bed and 5 days near bed, with the remaining 25 days spent inside and around your house. Our ancient ones knew that you and your baby are both vulnerable during this time. Before you have received a closing ceremony, you are physically and spiritually open. Protecting your physical and inner space is extremely important to ward off negative or unwanted energies and disruption to your healing and/or bonding.
- Sleep When the Baby Sleeps: This is the oldest advice in the book for a reason. Forget the laundry, forget the dishes. When your baby closes their eyes, you close yours, even if it’s just for 20 minutes. Lean on your support systems, arrange for help around the house, discuss with your partner how you want to manage cooking and cleaning. It is essential you are able to rest.
- Nourish the Parent: You cannot heal and make milk on an empty tank. Focus on warm, simple, nutrient-dense foods. Think soups, stews, oatmeal, and roasted vegetables and protein for blood building. Accept every offer of a meal from friends and family. Keep a large water bottle and snacks (like nuts, fruit, or yogurt) everywhere you plan to sit.
Part 4: Your Village – Accepting and Asking for Help
No one is meant to mother their babies and children alone. We are communal beings, and raising a baby takes a village.
- Accept All Offers: When someone asks, “What can I do?” have an answer ready. “Could you fold that basket of laundry?” “Could you bring over a meal tomorrow?” “Could you hold the baby while I take a shower?” People want to help; they just need to be told how.
- Set Boundaries: Your home is a sacred nest right now. It is okay to limit visitors and people who are not able to be helpful or will expect you to host them. It is okay to say, “Now is not a good time.” Protect your peace and your rest without guilt.
- Lean on Your Partner: Have honest conversations with your partner about what you both need. You are a team, learning and growing together in grace with your new changes. If all you have is need from each other, the relationship can suffer. Prioritize both of you getting support outside of just each other, spend intentional moments in love and rest together.
Part 5: When to Call Me, Your Midwife
My phone is always on for you. Your instincts are your most powerful guide—if you feel like something is off with you or the baby, please call. But here are some specific things to watch for.
Call me if you experience:
- A fever over 100.4°F / 38°C.
- Bleeding that soaks more than one pad in an hour, or passing clots larger than a golf ball.
- A painful, hot, red area on your breast, especially with flu-like symptoms.
- A headache that doesn’t go away, or changes in your vision.
- Feelings of deep sadness or anxiety or intrusive thoughts that are not getting better.
Call me if your baby:
- Has a fever or seems unwell.
- Is very difficult to wake up or seems unusually floppy.
- Is not feeding well or shows signs of dehydration (like a lack of wet diapers).
- Has worsening jaundice (yellow skin).
This is a time of immense growth. You will learn more about yourself in these next few months than you ever thought possible. You will feel a love that is fierce and boundless. You have everything you need to be the mother that your baby needs to be. Trust yourself and remember that no matter who you are, your baby chose you as their mother.
With love and warmth,
Your Sacred Birth Midwife